I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
