just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
