i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
