you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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