Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
