fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
