billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
