is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
They have beer where we have blood.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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