If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm bleeding and have questions
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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