she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
