i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You were trust falling into bushes
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize