DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
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