I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What did we do last night that was yellow?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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