There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
