I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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