new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
