Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
