i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
