zippers are such a cool invention
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
