so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
