I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
