You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
