so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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