Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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