on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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