Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
