Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
