I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
