Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
