I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
