I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
