there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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