Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
