Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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