am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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