Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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