I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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