new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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