I want to walk on stilts...naked
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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