; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
