1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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