That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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