i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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