The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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