Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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