a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
