Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize