can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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