i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As shirtless as possible
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
