Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
