she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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