Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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