ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
