Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
