is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
