Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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