My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
