I hate your face
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
