I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
