You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
