Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
