Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
