3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Girls should come with a carfax report
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
