the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
