took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
