He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
