So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
