I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
