wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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