i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
pray to the hookup gods
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
